"Breaking Dawn Part 2 comes out in November? Meh. Kind of over it. Am Team Can We Please Not Cheat on Edward Cullen, Because GOD."
"Plus, those two hours I spent watching Kristen Stewart in Snow White and the Huntsman are two hours I'm never getting back."
Later That Day, Early Fall:
"Seriously, that film blew goats. Sorry, but are we really supposed to suspend our disbelief that Queen Charlize-freaking-Theron doesn't think she's hotter than a skinny-but-not-toned-twenty-something homewrecker? She won an Oscar and made out with Jason Bateman on Arrested Development! And she can turn her body into bats and shit. I don't buy it that her character was self-loathing. I'd be all 'Mirror, mirror on the wall, am I still Charlize Theron? Yes? AWESOMESAUCE.' Plus, all K Stew can do is let her mouth hang open to indicate the dramatic parts. That's not acting, that's an oral exam. Thank you, no."
Still Later That Day, Early Fall:
"But I hold none of this foolishness against huntsman and avenger Chris Hemsworth, soon to be starring in the remake of Red Dawn. He's dreamy. Related note? Thrilled that the next generation will finally understand the importance of shouting WOLVERINES for comic effect."
"So the trailer for BD2 is up? Hated Part 1, so can't imagine I'll be into Part 2."
Later That Day Last Month:
"Renesmee is still the stupidest name I ever heard. I will have no part of promoting this enterprise going forward."
Two Weeks Ago:
"And if I go, I'm obligated to do the thing with the dolls again. Over it."
"Pfft, Fletch - I'm only watching Christinia Perri's One Thousand Years video yet again because it's free. If we don't support YouTube then it will go away and I don't want to live in a world without gratuitous cat videos. And most of those 53 million plays are not mine. Most of them, anyway."
Later That Day Last Week:
"I have died every day wait-ing for you/Darling don't be afraid IIIII have loved you."
Still Later That Day Last Week:
"E-ver-y breath, ev-er-y hour has come to this."
Yet Even Later That Day Last Week:
"Time has brought your heart to me/I have loved you/I'll love you for a thousand more."
The Latest Part of the Day Late Last Week:
"Shut up! I'm only listening to this song for work!"
The Very Latest Part of the Day Late Last Week:
"I do so have a job!"
"Really, K Stew, naked in a pantsuit? Really? Fairest of them all MY FAT ASS."
Later This Morning:
"One step clooooser/One step clooooooooooooser."
And doll reenactment.
But mostly shame.
Team I Hate Myself Charlize-Theron Style