November, 1967- The birth of the Jen. (Governors are BORN not made, you know.)
July, 1971- Young Jen tries on her Auntie Virginia's strand of pearls during a family vacation at the beach. A struggle ensues to remove the necklace from Jen's tiny but powerful grip. A lifetime love affair with pearls begins.
October, 1976- Jen's mother takes her out of school for the afternoon in order to see President Ford while campaigning at a New Jersey shopping mall. Jen is intrigued by the site of armed guards camped on the top of Bloomingdales and develops an interest in both the Republican party and shopping.
August, 1978- Jen's family moves from the metro NY area to a small town in Indiana. Even at 10 years old, she's well aware of how much this sucks.
September, 1979- Jen begins junior high and commences a three year-long awkward period, complete with tinted glasses, frizzy hair, and bad dental work. Almost all available photos of the Governor at this time have been destroyed for the good of Jennsylvania.
August, 1982- Jen discovers vent brushes, contact lenses, and dental veneers, Thank God.
August, 1985- Jen begins college at a Big Ten University. She is introduced to beer and the Greek system. Life is just ducky.
May, 1987- Jen OD's on drinks, sorority life, and VISA. She flunks out of her Big Ten University, which is fortunate, because her dad was pulling his funding anyway. The word "irresponsible" is whispered by friends and close relations whenever she exits a room.
June, 1987- Jen gets a job so that she can earn money in order to someday return to her Big Ten University. Once readmitted to the University on her own dime, surprisingly, her grades improve.
May - August, 1990- Jen spends the summer living in Boston. She briefly becomes a Democrat. It is a dark, dark period in her life. Upon returning to campus, she changes her major to Political Science and joins the club for young Republicans.
September, 1991- Jen is still in college.
September, 1992- Jen is still in college.
September, 1993- Jen is still in college.
September, 1994- Jen is still in college. (Oh, shut up. She was only taking one or two classes per semester while working. She was still allowed to have some fun.)
November, 1994- Jen meets Fletch, future First Man of Jennsylvania. They bond over a mutual admiration of Coen Brothers movies, Mystery Science Theater 3000, and Raisinettes.
May, 1996- Jen graduates with honors in Political Science and joins Fletch, already living in Chicago. She begins working for an HMO.
March, 1999- Jen quits the HMO to work in technology sales even though she was promoted four times in three years. (Screw stability, Jen wants to make lots of money.) Jen shows exceptional prowess at her technology company and eventually rises to the rank of Associate Vice President. She has a pack of assistants that will fetch her Vanilla Lattes on demand. She tries to not let the power go to her head. She is wholly unsuccessful.
September, 2000- Jen is recruited by one of her clients to run three product lines and command sales teams in seven states. Jen joins the organization and spends all her earnings on pretty purses, cute shoes, and lavish spa treatments. After all, she is confident in her abilities and thinks that the party is never going to end.
September 11, 2001- The party ends. Jen is laid off two weeks later.
February, 2002- Still no damn job. But Jen doesn't panic. Yet.
May, 2002- Jen informs Fletch they are getting married in Vegas at the end of the summer, figuring she can pay off mounting bills with wedding presents.
September, 2002- Married, but still in debt. Situation worsens when Fletch is laid off.
December, 2002- After being rejected for a cashier's position because she was "underqualified," Jen launches a website to air her frustrations about unemployment. Her site gains popularity quickly. By February, Jen and Fletch have to move out of their snazzy Bucktown loft because they can no longer afford it. They move to the 'hood on the west side of Chicago. It sucks as much as the '78 move to Indiana. Bitterness ensues.
July, 2003- Between temp jobs and selling off cars, jewelry, and designer purses, Jen manages to pay rent, but still has to borrow money from her mother for groceries. If there's anything more humiliating than being 35 and being unable to buy one's own food, Jen has yet to experience it.
August, 2003- Fletch lands a job the week his unemployment checks run out, thus narrowly avoiding having to move in with Jen's parents. With his income, Jen can stop temping to pursue a writing career.
October, 2003- Jen and Fletch move back to a nice neighborhood. Jen lands a literary agent and her first essay is published. Jen begins to write a book.
March 3, 2004- Jen closes down her unemployment website in order to spend more time on her book.
March 4, 2004- Jen realizes she made a mistake closing down her website. She immediately starts Jennsylvania.
January 7, 2005- Jen's agent sends out her book proposal.
Janaury 11, 2005 - Jen's agent starts getting calls from editors about her proposal. Holy shit!
January 21, 2005 - Jen's proposal goes to aution and is purchased by NAL/Penguin. The book will come out in March '06. Holy SHIT!
January 27, 2005 - Jen's book Bitter Is the New Black is Publisher's Marketplace's Deal of the Day. HOLY SHIT!
February 1, 2005 - Jen starts temping again while waiting for contracts and advance payments because she is so irony's bitch.
February 20, 2007 - Two years and two more books later it's kind of obvious that Jen really, really sucks at inserting updates.
Jen (still) has no clue what is going to happen next.