jennsylvania

Big Willie, Style

Last Friday I was in the Admirals Club at O'Hare, freaking out over giving a keynote address, eating breakfast, and glowering at these two:

 

Not pictured?  Acres of freckled cleavage and handbags that cost more than my first year of college. 

I tried to be all stealthy, holding my BlackBerry in one hand and my coffee in the other, so the shot's not terribly clear.  I'd hoped to capture the fact that it was 7:30 AM and these two Real Housewife-types were splitting a bottle of wine. 

And because it bears repeating, it was 7:30 AM and they were drinking a whole bottle of wine.

Appalling.

Delighted to have someone to judge so I could be distracted from my speech-giving panic, I happily took my flight down to Nashville for the BlissDom 09 conference.

By the way, how do you know you're in Nashville?  Because this is the art you'll find on your hotel room wall:

Willie almost looks like a religious icon here, doesn't he?  Which is why I started calling this picture, "Jesus, The Outlaw Years." (And yes, his eyes followed me, prompting me to change in the bathroom.)

As much as I laughed at the art initially, I figured with Willie on my wall, I couldn't NOT have fun at this thing.  He's like the patron saint of good times, you know?  I guarantee it's a party when Willie shows up.  I gazed into his soulful eyes and I could almost feel Him willing me to unclench. 

Basking in His heavenly presence - or perhaps in His residual contact buzz - I joined the other attendees, where I immediately met my evil twin.  While everyone else ate lunch, she, too, thought it was a grand idea to begin swilling vodka.  With our sippy cups full of Absolut Cape Cods, what would have been interesting and informative panels became THE BEST SESSIONS EVER.

Normally, this is the point in the day/story when I'd earn myself a stern lecture for ducking out to get more drinks.  But because the benevolent Saint Willie was smiling down upon me, I have to believe what happened next was nothing short of miraculous.

I'd just sneaked up to room 704 for another round when divine inspiration told me to turn on my phone.  I'd switched if off hours before when the sessions started.  (Drunk?  Perhaps.  Rude?  Never.)  As soon as I did, I received a number of increasingly panicked messages from my entire publishing team to call The New York Times.

Apparently a reporter was doing an article on the Shopaholic book and movie and wondered if I might have a moment to share an opinion.

Did I have an opinion?

To share with the Times? 

In an article about that which is my all time favorite book?

Which then Sophie Kinsella might read and thus know I exist?

Yeah, I was pretty sure I did. 

(Granted, having a drunken interview is more Bridget Jones and less Becky Bloomwood, but it still counts.)

The reporter asked me questions about books and shoes and he told me about shopping with Sophie herself, all while I sipped pink drinks. 

I had to keep reminding myself that this wasn't Heaven; it was Nashville. 

Anyway, the article came out today in the Styles section and you can read it here.  The Times even included my book title! 

* * *

As I staggered up to my room last Friday to pass out after an entire day spent woofing down drinks, I realized that the only thing that separated me from those women in the Admirals Club was an Egg McMuffin.

Well... that and Saint Willie.  Praise be!

(P.S.  I was sober Saturday and my speech went fine.)

This (As Well As That)

FIRST, THIS

Remember when you were in college and you skipped your international relations class one day because you wanted to work on your tan instead? 

And then you got busy (read: watching Divorce Court) and ended up skipping it again two days later? 

And again after that?  

And then after a week of skipping, you realized how much extra free time you had to tan and watch Divorce Court by not going?

And cutting class became a bad habit? 

And although you quite enjoyed ditching, you technically wanted to attend that class because you liked it, plus you knew you'd mess up your perfect GPA in your major if you lost points for class participation? 

And then you got bronchitis and you couldn't go to class legitimately?

And you went to talk to your professor about your bronchitis and he was all, "Tell me another one, Leatherface McSunburn."

And then you got better and you meant to go but it was 75 degrees and sunny again and all the cute Phi Delts were playing football on the lawn?

And when it finally rained and you got your ass back into your international relations class, everyone was all, "Who are you?" and it was totally awkward and you felt sheepish and you kind of couldn't look anyone in the eye because they knew what you were doing because your tan was ridiculous and, no, you could NOT borrow their notes?

Well, substitute attending class for blogging, doing Christmas-y stuff for tanning, and watching Divorce Court for, um, watching Divorce Court, and you've got a pretty accurate accounting of my last three weeks.

So... I'm back.

Can I borrow your notes?

* * *

AND THEN THAT

As a quick reminder, I'm giving the keynote address at the BlissDom '09 conference this year and HOW COOL IS THAT??

For those of you who have no clue what a BlissDom is, the short answer is it's a blogging conference taking place in Nashville, TN on February 6th and 7th at the Preston Hotel.

The long answer, according to the conference's website: 

BlissDom is YOUR conference.  It was developed for bloggers by bloggers.  Whether you're just getting started or have been blogging for years, there's something for youat BlissDom '09.

We are bringing those bloggers you always wanted to meet and mingle with, right to you, to answer all your burning questions about writing, social media, marketing, and-yes-even book deals.

We've developed sessions for two levels of bloggers - Apprentice and Maven- so each attendee can decide which areas she personally wants to learn about or develop to grow as a blogger. 

In addition to giving the keynote, I'm on the Book Deals panel which is part of the Maven track where I'll be giving all the inside scoop on the business of turning a blog into a book.

Sound like fun?  Then register today for the early bird discount of only $100!

And yes, I will totally be having drinks with everyone there.  (Just so you know.) 

The only downside is I have no idea what to discuss in my speech.  I assume since I'll already be talking about book deal specifics on the panel, I should speak about something a little less esoteric.  

If you have any suggestions for speech topics, don't leave me hanging because I don't want the fine sponsors to have to issue refunds due to my babbling on about why I hate Vicki on The Real Housewives of Orange County.

Of course, if Vicki and Donn break up and end up on Divorce Court, all bets are off.