I love hearing from you! I read and enjoy all your emails but with my current commitments, I'm sorry I can't personally respond to each one.
As I read your notes, I notice a lot of the same questions, so following please find answers to your FAQs.
Will you come to our book club?
Schedule permitting, I attend book clubs within the city of Chicago from November 'thru April. (Otherwise I'm on tour or on deadline.)
Can you share your recipe for X?
I'm not organized enough to write anything down (or measure), so each time I cook something, it turns out different. But I pretty much swear by any recipe by Tyler Florence and Giada DeLaurentiis. If you want to cupcake up, you can't go wrong with Martha Stewart.
I thought you said you hated cooking in Bright Lights, Big Ass.
I did, and now I don't. Since I wrote that, I've moved into a house with a proper kitchen, I bought better cookware (Mauviel, holla!), and I've taken a bunch of classes. These three factors make all the difference in the world.
Will you read my writing?
Sorry, I'm forbidden to see any unpublished work.
Do you have advice for someone who hopes to be a writer?
If you want to be a writer, write. There's no secret formula or hidden cheat. Just write. Write all the time, not because you have to, but because your world simply won't make sense if you don't. Take classes, join writing groups, do everything possible to hone your skills, READ, READ, READ, and don't worry about the business end of things. I get so many notes from people all panicked about the state of publishing and finding agents and formatting proposals when they've yet to get their words on paper. Becoming published has nothing to do with number of Twitter followers or website hits or networking and everything to do with turning out the best possible work you can. (P.S. If you go around saying you'd love to write but you can't find the time, then you're not ready to be a writer.) (P.P.S. READ. Writers are readers, period.)
How do I advertise on your site?
I don't post advertising, nor will I take anything free. This way, if I mention something I like, you can be sure what I'm touting is genuine. This also frees me up to hate things at will. (Which is key.)
I think we'd be great friends - can we meet up while I'm in town?
You're probably right... and yet there's something a tiny bit unsettling about meeting a stranger off the internet. Please don't be offended when I politely decline. If you want to say hi in person, I do book events from May to August each year, all over the country.
Can you do X for my charity?
Email me and I'll try my best to help. I'm particularly partial to anything having to do with the military and pets, but not limited to.
Speaking of pets, why don't you ever write about Loki?
Because unlike Maisy, Loki seems to believe that he's a dog and not a person, thus he pursues his own interests within our home instead of opting to touch me twenty-three hours a day.
I bought your book and it's defective/missing pages. Now what?
I'm really sorry about that. Sometimes printing errors happen, in which case return it to where ever you bought it for a refund/replacement.
What's Fletch's full name?
Why? Do you want to run a credit report on him?
Why haven't you updated your timeline?
Lazy/busy/lazy.
Why haven't you updated your books section? Haven't you written, like, two new ones since then?
See above.
Will you blurb my new book?
Possibly. I get a lot of requests and I'm only allowed to do so many per year. Your book must (a) already have been sold to a publishing house and (b) be in ARC-form, not electronic. I blurb what I love and currently I'm into memoir and chick lit. (Chick lit is not dead! It's not!) I tend to avoid stuff about self-help or parenting or s-e-x, yet there are always exceptions.
Okay, I've finished reading all your bullshit answers, now how do I contact you already?
Email me:
Twitter me:
@altgeldshrugged
For media requests:
Craig Burke or Melissa Broder at the Penguin Group
For rights, film, speaking, and blurb requests:
Kate Garrick at Defiore and Co.
P.S. Your mail automatically becomes the property of Jennsylvania.com/Altgeld Shrugged Inc. and may be reproduced however deemed fit.
