First, everyone, thanks for participating! Your captions completely cracked me up yesterday and the following are my favorites.
First up, Babs's entry.
Next, Stace's contribution.
Third, Malabama got creative.
But my very favorite is Jessica who I think best captured the whole LOLCAT vibe with these dual entries.
Jessica, congrats and please send me your address so I can mail your your book!
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And now for the lecture...
Yesterday Mindy posted in the comments she couldn't play our captioning game because she thought it was too sad. Thank you all for not attacking her and calling her a troll because she wasn't wrong.
This IS sad. But here's why I think a little public shaming will do Lindsay Lohan some good.
Right now Lindsay should be building a life and a career because she IS talented. Who didn't fall in love with her in The Parent Trap and Freaky Friday and who wasn't completely delighted by her performance in the movie Mean Girls? She seemed like the kind of like the little sister we'd all want to have, right? I certainly don't think of her in the same class as Paris who's famous because she paid a publicist to make it happen. Lindsay Lohan has a place in the spotlight because she earned it.
I'm not completely heartless and I'd like to say the world should be more kind and understanding of Lindsay's problems. We can't imagine the kind of pressure she's under and, really, who among us didn't fuck up at her age? Of course, for most of us, we were forced to deal with the consequences of our youthful actions. For example, when I got myself kicked out of college after my sophomore year, no one patted me on the knee and said it would be OK. I'm not saying my parents weren't empathetic; however, they understood the best way for me to keep from screwing up like that again was to send me off to work and have me pay for my own schooling.
And now I have the degree (and student loan debt) to prove they were right.
When I imploded, it was up to me to reassemble myself and I never forgot what I learned in so doing. Yet after Lindsay's first DUI - and when public shaming (or a couple of months behind the cash register at Maurices') would have done her a world of good - she still found herself in every magazine being touted as a role model, a trend-setter, an icon... a celebrity. Just look at any recent glossy tabloid - sure they've talked some smack, but the pictures they show portray a completely different message, e.g. When Lindsay's in rehab, her beverage of choice is SmartWater! Lindsay enjoys drying out poolside in Catalina brand swimwear! Lindsay hides her bloodshot eyes in a classic pair of RayBan aviators! Shit, I'm surprised Mercedes didn't hire her to be a spokeswoman to tout the crashability of their S-class model. So, to a certain degree, I can understand the cognitive dissonance she must experience in trying to come to terms with having fucked up while an entire industry exists solely to take her photograph.
I believe Lindsay is the product of overly-permissive Boomer parents who've done nothing but use her as show pony to serve their own needs. (*cough*Lynn Spears*cough*) And I am sorry. However, Lindsay IS of age and has been for three years and the choices she's made recently are her own. Her parents didn't pour cocktails down her throat. They didn't fill her pockets with cocaine. Neither Mom nor Dad pushed her behind the wheel and held a gun to her head saying, "Drive!" She did this by her own volition.
Maybe her behavior is due to addiction and because of this, Mindy's point is we should be tolerant. With an average person, I wouldn't disagree. Addiction is heartbreaking. Devastating. Honestly, I really was happy when Lindsay went to rehab after her DUI. I hoped the group meetings and counseling and introspection would allow her to emerge from this period of her life wiser, yet unscathed. My wish was she'd come to terms with how she was living her life and realize exactly how selfish and dangerous it was to drive a car in an altered state. I wanted her to really live the steps and emerge from Promises a strong and stable person, capable not only of taking responsibility for her actions but also determined to use her fame and fortune as an agent for positive change.
So I bought the magazines because I wanted to monitor her progress.
However, as her stint at Promises wore on and more and more photos were released, I began to suspect her inpatient status stemmed not from a desire for a cure, but because her publicity machine said she had to go. I don't doubt Promises is in the business of helping people get better. But I wonder if she was admitted with the understanding she wasn't addicted and just needed it to look like she was doing something? This would explain why she was allowed to come and go at will and attend parties.
Regardless, within days of graduating Promises, there she was on the road, legally drunk, carrying drugs, and endangering the lives of the very people who buy both the magazines and the products they see her use.
Again, no one made her get into the car.
This is the choice she made.
A very bad choice.
And there are no more excuses.
Her choices this time demonstrate she didn't learn a damn thing the first time around. Since it's well documented she doesn't come from the kind of people who'd give her the swift kick in the ass she so desperately needed, the onus fell on those of us who see her movies and read about her in the tabs. Instead of passing judgment, we sent Lindsay hope, hugs, and good tidings. We forgave her bad behavior because we felt she'd eventually right her own course. We crossed our fingers she would "let go and let God." We were sadly tolerant and we gave her a second chance, clasping our hands in prayer that she'd find her way.
But you know what? Our kid-glove approach didn't work.
We failed her.
And she blew it.
Again.
So fuck tolerance.
It doesn't work. Being sad for her isn't going to save her.
Bring on the shame.
