jennsylvania

Hey, What If You Had An Upcoming Event But Forgot To Tell Anyone About It?

Let's not let that happen...

What:  The third annual Witty Women Writers event at the Book Cellar

When:  Thursday, October 15, 7:00 PM

Where:  4736 N. Lincoln Ave, Chicago, IL

Why:  What do you mean, why?  It's an event; it's fun.  Amy Guth and Stacey Ballis will be there, too, and we'll all be doing our best to make you laugh.  I'll even be reading stuff from the not-yet-finished-being-written book My Fair Lazy.

Who:  I think I just covered this above.

What Else:  I'm not saying the event last year was so crowded we all may have died should there have been a fire.  But I am saying that this year attendance will still be free, but seating will be more strictly limited (and decidedly less flammable.)  You must RSVP by calling (773) 293-2665.

'Til then, I'll be hustling to finally finish the new manuscript and likely not showering on a regular basis.

As for you, please take this time to enjoy the shot of a box of kitten scaring the bejesus out of the pit bull.

 

 

The 80's Loves You Right Back

The contest is over and I've finally finished reading all 118 pages of your entries.

The good news is with the caliber of your answers, I could see every single one of you working on a VH1 I Love the 80's special.

The bad news is I could only choose a few winners.  (Also, I completely suck at coming up with any contest that can be considered "quick.")

Anyway, here in no particular order are the five winning sentences...

"Because nothing defines my 80's like six college freshmen readying themselves post happy hour/pre-night out, showering side by side (separate stalls of course) with individual copies of the lyrics to Paradise by the Dashboard Light in Ziploc bags affixed with rubber bands, dangling from the shower head so we can all sing IN UNISON to the cranking boom box... STOP RIGHT THERE!!"  - Margaret Saylor

"Despite the nagging fear someone might "push the button" and annihilate the world as we knew it before I could save up enough babysitting money for a pair of Guess jeans, it was really the only decade where it was OK to fantasize about Scott Baio living in the basement."  - Mary

"At one magical point in the 80's my butt and my head were the same size."  - Kristina

"With two plastic swords and a few Fruit Roll-Ups, my brother and I defended out suburban NJ neighborhood from the likes of Skeletor, Gargamel, and Serpentor."  - Kate

"It isn't just nostalgia that makes me think the 80's were a more innocent time; back then Michael Jackson wore one glove because he was the coolest guy on the planet, not because he was up to something with Vaseline." - Texie

HOWEVER, after I picked these there were a couple more entries I couldn't stop smiling about.  So I'm giving away my entire cache of audio books and the following are also winners...

"If anyone had high cholesterol, ADD, HPV, erectile dysfunction, an overactive bladder, herpes, or restless leg fucking syndrome, we didn't speak of it during commercial breaks in Falcon Crest."  - K.C.

"There is a picture of the Breakfast Club crew on my MySpace page while there are no pictures of my family."  - Anna

"The 80's evolved from a Lacoste-wearing Preppy Handbook worshipper to a miniskirt Go-Go's girl turned into a big-haired Guns N' Roses fan, all in a single decade."  - Julie

Everyone, thanks for playing along - your answers were fab! 

For you eight winners, please email me at jenwritesbooks (at) gmail (dot) com with a full name and an address where I can send these.  (I'll ship Thursday because I'm not going to be the asshole in line at the post office on April 15 tomorrow like I was last year.)  Also, if you have a website you'd like me to link to your name on this post, please include that, too.  (Oh, and I'm planning to remove the plastic outer-wrap so I can sign them.  If you want your copy still in the package, let me know.)

And that's it.

So, until tomorrow when I finally post the damn prom photos... party on, dudes!

118

Audio book contest results will be announced later today. 

They would be sooner today, except I just cut and pasted all the entries onto a Word document and they're 118 pages long... so... I'll post as soon as I finish reading.

Thanks to everyone who played along at home!

While you wait, please enjoy one of my formal dance photos.

 

I love how my dress says 'Scarlett O'Hara,' yet my eyes say 'help me.'"

"It's Called Being Organized"

The Prom II post is coming, but I might not get it up until later as I have a whirlwind day full of exciting stuff like seeing the dentist and eye doctor and buying dirt at Home Depot.

For now, perhaps you'll enjoy this?

You See? This Is Why I'm Not In Charge Of Anything

I totally forgot to create the Greatest! Contest! Ever! before I left for my appointment today, so now that I'm finally home, I'm obligated to half-ass something in order to keep my promise of posting it today.  (Then again, that's perpetually how I roll.)

I thought about implementing my agent's suggestion - having participants make a karaoke video to an 80's song and posting it on YouTube.  Although I love this idea, upon further consideration I would probably snap after watching my 15th Like A Virgin rendition.  In addition, that seems like an awful lot of work for something that retails at $29.99, so possibly I'd be watching nothing and that would hurt my delicate little feelings.

Resolution?  We're going to do this contest quick and dirty, so here are the rules: 

1)  Give me one sentence about why you loved the 80's... or why you didn't.  That's it, just one sentence and one sentence only.  And if you feel like the 90's or the 70's were the superior decade, tell me why in one sentence. 

1a)  Hey, did you notice how I just said "one sentence" like 900 times in a row?  That's because I'm going to disqualify anything over one sentence.  This is pretty much a one-major-rule contest, so if you break the one big rule, I'm not going to cut you any slack.

2)  I will choose my five favorite entries, so the picking won't be random.  Quality counts.  Speed doesn't.

3)  One entry per person, please.

4)  I will only consider entries posted in the comments section on this entry.  No email, no Twitter, no Facebook, please.  And if someone has posted your perfect answer first, then, um... I guess maybe speed counts a little bit. 

5)  Creativity counts, too.  You don't have to follow the rigid format of, "I loved the 80's because..."  Just give me the gist, e.g. "Pop Rocks candy ruled my world."

6)  The deadline to enter is Monday, April 13 at 12:00 CST.  Winners will be announced Tuesday, April 14. 

Ready... set... write!  (Or, for those of you who loved the 70's, right on.)

(I know.  Lame.  I told you this was half assed.  But the prize is full assed, and that's what matters, yes?)  

Going Forward, I Should Also Remember To Sit On My Hands During Interviews

Oh, look, another post.  

Apparently I actually meant it when I said I'd post more frequently.  Hmm.  How 'bout that?

Anyway, I just got a couple of pieces of video forwarded to me and thought you might enjoy them.

First up, a few quick questions on writing process with my friend Jolene.  (Be warned - there's a single stringy piece of bang swimming around the ocean of my forehead.  Look away or else it will make you crazy.)  (Coincidentally, this is the video that made me break up with my salon.)  (Really, should I have had shapelessness and visible roots like this after two weeks?)  (And I think that's enough parenthetical caveats for now.)

 

Next up, a longer piece that's also on The Huffington Post.  This is a segment for The Interview Show with the very funny Mark Bazer that I did back in December.  The interview was really fun, but I can't help but notice the effect that three months of deadlines and a sinking house and moving and not seeing Barbie and having Christmas cookies for dinner have impacted me.  The good news is I'm not mad at myself.  Instead, I'm super-motivated to get my ass back on the treadmill for the next four to six hours/days/weeks.  (I don't care about the numbers on the scale, but I do miss my strongs.)

So, the Lycra is on, the sneakers are tied, and the next time you see me America, I'll be... sporting a better haircut.