jennsylvania

The Jen Point Quiz, Weekend Edition

It's late in the evening and you're just about to head upstairs, take a bath, and read a bit before bed when you hear noise in the front yard. Upon drawing the curtains, you come face-to-face with a hipster who's using your lawn/the corner of your house as a urinal.

What do you do next?

A) You smile and shake your head. Ah, the capriciousness of youth!

B) You frown and shake your head. You don't like it, but you understand this kind thing happens sometimes when you live in an urban environment.

C) You call the police, knowing full well if they even bother to respond to your call, the hipster-pisser will be halfway through his can of Pabst Blue Ribbon at the neighborhood watering hole before they ever arrive.

D) You throw open the front door and scream profanities at the hipster, causing the stream of urine to soak his skinny jeans. And as he egresses at a brisk pace, you shout, "Doesn't matter if you run, motherfucker, because I know where you're going!"

E) You spend the rest of the evening standing by your open front door, shaking your garden shovel at everyone who's unfortunate enough to park on your street.

F) Answers D and E.

Scoring:

Award yourself zero points for Answers A-C, five points for Answers D-E, and ten points for Answer F.

(And give yourself one extra point if your shovel is rusty.)

Team by Team Reporters, Baffled, Trumped, Tethered Cropped

According to the Rush & Molloy column in today's NY Daily News:

More paparazzi are dropping out of the pack following Britney Spears because of the risk — to them.

The legion of lensmen has been infiltrated by L.A. gang members — Crips and Bloods, according to some photo-agency heads. They claim rival agencies are arming the thugs with cameras and sending them out to do battle with the dozens of paps who rubberneck around Hollywood's favorite train wreck.

Um, wow.  Won't someone PLEASE send this girl a copy of Guitar Hero already?

(Can she spend some time alone?) 

(And give yourself ten points if you caught the reference.)

Another Quiz!

Here's today's Jen-Point Quiz, Thanksgiving Edition. 

(Hey!  Look at that - when you don't DEMAND content, I post more often!) 

(Also, I finally got a new wireless card and can stay online for more than five minutes at a time, unlike all of last week.)

Anyway, you are the service professional I've hired to clean my house because my parents are coming for the holiday.  And damn it, I may not have given them grandchildren, but I can provide a sparkling home and seven kinds of cheese, especially if I outsource the non-cheese-related tasks.

So, before you attack my hair-covered floors and cobwebby corners, you prefer to change into play clothes.  To do so you:

A)  Go to the bathroom on the first floor and close the door for privacy.

B)  Go to the sun porch and close the door for privacy.

C)  Go to the guest bath and close the door for privacy.

D)  Go to the master bath and close the door for privacy.

E)  After marveling at how many bathrooms two people have in what's really a tiny little house, you go to the bedroom and close the door for privacy.

F)  Go to the guest room and close the door for privacy.

G)  Drop trou IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FRONT HALLWAY, which is the main passageway to all points listed above. 

Not sure how to answer? 

Here's a hint - choose correctly and Fletch and I will spend the rest of the day giggling awkwardly and referring to you as "Olive Herpantsoff."   

Pick A or B

Today's Jen-Point Quiz goes current-events all over your asses.

Above you'll see a photo of Star Simpson.  Do you think she's:

A)  an ASSHOLE.

B)  a DUMBASS.

C)  just really misguided because girlfriend needed to get her roots done like yesterday and that's enough to cloud anyone's judgment.

D)  an innocent victim whose civil rights were violated, man, because she should totally be allowed to walk into Logan Airport wearing a shirt that looks a like a homemade bomb and also if she wants to hold some Silly Putty while wearing her fake bomb shirt - which is, like, an excellent stress reliever- then more power to her and you're just way too uptight and should stop voting Republican like RIGHT NOW because it's totally turning you into a HIGH ART NAZI and who do we have to sue around here to make sure this kind of shit doesn't impact artistic impression?

Scoring:

Give yourselves a billion points for answers A or B, ten points for answer C, and zero for answer D. 

P.S.  If you answered D, you should check out Star's other shirt which automatically yells "Fire!  Fire!" anytime she walks into a crowed theater.

P.P.S.  Is this what happens when parents stop spanking their children?

Wash Me (Or Not)

Imagine you are in your basement organizing which of your work clothes should be taken to the drycleaner.  While sorting, you run across your wife's favorite bathing suit drying on a rack. 

What do you do next?

A)  You put it right back where you found it because your wife expressly instructed you to only grab your work clothes.  And as this is plus-sized women's swimwear, you're pretty sure you've never worn this piece to the office.  Also, she yelled at you the seventeen times you accidentally washed and dried it last year, too.

B)  You put it right back where you found it because your wife expressly instructed you to stay the hell away from her laundry as she's still pissed off you shrunk most of her polo shirts when you washed them in boiling water and dried them within an inch of their lives last week.

C)  You put it right back where you found it because your wife begged you to please, please, please ask her if you ever have any laundry-based questions.  And, really?  Since you work hard, maybe just leave everything for her because she promises you she doesn't mind washing all the clothes, especially since nothing gets ruined that way.

D)  You take the bathing suit directly to the drycleaner.

Try to guess how Fletch answered this question.

Here's a hint:

I'll truly consider it a Miracle Suit if it doesn't explode next time I put it on.