It's late in the evening and you're just about to head upstairs, take a bath, and read a bit before bed when you hear noise in the front yard. Upon drawing the curtains, you come face-to-face with a hipster who's using your lawn/the corner of your house as a urinal.
What do you do next?
A) You smile and shake your head. Ah, the capriciousness of youth!
B) You frown and shake your head. You don't like it, but you understand this kind thing happens sometimes when you live in an urban environment.
C) You call the police, knowing full well if they even bother to respond to your call, the hipster-pisser will be halfway through his can of Pabst Blue Ribbon at the neighborhood watering hole before they ever arrive.
D) You throw open the front door and scream profanities at the hipster, causing the stream of urine to soak his skinny jeans. And as he egresses at a brisk pace, you shout, "Doesn't matter if you run, motherfucker, because I know where you're going!"
E) You spend the rest of the evening standing by your open front door, shaking your garden shovel at everyone who's unfortunate enough to park on your street.
F) Answers D and E.
Scoring:
Award yourself zero points for Answers A-C, five points for Answers D-E, and ten points for Answer F.
(And give yourself one extra point if your shovel is rusty.)


















