jennsylvania

Best Prize Ever? (Yes!)

Hope everyone had a fab Memorial Day weekend!

We spent ours getting the house ready for a summer of entertaining Martha-style, which included hauling plants out of the car in ninety-million degree temps and assembling inexpensive teak furniture. 

Fletch says when you buy cheap you buy twice. 

It should go without saying we almost always buy twice.  

Previously, he'd suggested I look at the Restoration Hardware outdoor catalog before I went with the cute cushioned benches from World Market.  So I humored him.  And then I laughed my ass off at the prices.  This piece, likely made somewhere in Southeast Asia, is easily ten times more than what I'd consider expensive.  You know I'm not one to go all OccupyRestorationHardware, but in my opinion, outdoor furniture should cost less than indoor furniture. 

Or a used car.

World Market it was. 

The highlight (?) of the weekend was when in the middle of dinner, Fletch said, "I dropped two of the hot dogs and one of the burgers on the ground before I cooked them.  Try to guess which ones."

It's probably best that we didn't have friends up here this weekend. 

I think we need another practice run or two before we involve guests in our summer festivities.

Anyway, while we were planting and sweating and eating hot dogs of a dubious nature, my friend Stacey was busy crafting an excellent contest that coincides with the launch of her new book Off the Menu! 

Isn't this the best cover?

I'm not sponsoring this contest, but I'm delighted to be a portion of the prize!  So, if you want to win an afternoon with Stacey and me, check out all the details for The Stennifer Lunch Tour here!  (Please note that I'm not managing any part of the contest administration so do not send me your entry.)

Please also note that Fletch will not be cooking the winner's lunch.

So there's that.

Good luck!

You're Going To Want To Win This, Seriously - WINNERS ANNOUNCED!

Thanks to all of you for participating! 

The big winner is...

Krista, who digs mocking her neighbor while he cuts his huge lawn with a weed wacker!  (Krista, I like your style!)  Also, I have your email address, so I've already sent you details on how to claim your prize.

For everyone else, I'm so sorry the comments got screwy (and pleased at Typepad's quick fix!)  As a thanks for your patience, I'm also awarding five second prizes and they go to...

Marissa, who's into all the flowers, especially the flowering trees

McKenzie, who loves the sun and thus, could never marry a Cullen (why do you hate sparkling vampires, McKenzie?)

CJ, who, among other things, enjoys playing with her pups along the Gulf coast, and less so enjoys having to take Allegra

Christine, with her white pants and orange tops (FYI, I've come around on orange, particularly for accessories)

And Shawn, who is secure enough in his manhood to know a good read when he sees one

I've also already emailed you guys.

Again, thanks for playing and I'll do this again when I receive more copies of Jeneration X!

* * *

It's that time of year again - the snow is gone (at least it better be, unless Mother Nature's angling for a punch in the neck), the birds are chirping, and the verdant land is pumping out so much pollen that it's practically impossible to step outdoors without an asthma inhaler.

Ah, spring!

With perpetually runny noses and stoner-grade red eyes, spring brings something else awesome... the first blush of the best summer beach reads.  Inevitably, this is when all of my favorite books of the year are published.

To celebrate the annual storing of the snow shovel, I'm giving away a stack of excellent summer reads!

The lucky winner of this giveaway will receive:

Sarah Pekkanen's These Girls

From the publisher's description:  Cate, Renee, and Abby have come to New York for very different reasons, and in a bustling city of millions, they are linked together through circumstance and chance.

Cate has just been named the features editor of Gloss, a high-end lifestyle magazine. It’s a professional coup, but her new job comes with more complications than Cate ever anticipated.

Her roommate Renee will do anything to nab the plum job of beauty editor at Gloss. But snide comments about Renee’s weight send her into an emotional tailspin. Soon she is taking black market diet pills—despite the racing heartbeat and trembling hands that signal she’s heading for real danger.

Then there’s Abby, whom they take in as a third roommate. Once a joyful graduate student working as a nanny part time, she abruptly fled a seemingly happy life in the D.C. suburbs. No one knows what shattered Abby—or why she left everything she once loved behind.

Pekkanen’s most compelling, true-to-life novel yet tells the story of three very different women as they navigate the complications of careers and love—and find the lifeline they need in each other.

 

But wait, there's more!  The winner will also receive:

Allison Winn Scotch's The Song Remains the Same

One of only two survivors of a plane crash, Nell Slattery wakes in the hospital with no memory of the horrific experience-or who she is, or was. Now she must piece together both body and mind, with the help of family and friends, who have their own agendas. She filters through photos, art, music, and stories, hoping something will jog her memory, and soon, in tiny bits and pieces, Nell starts remembering. . . .

It isn't long before she learns to question the stories presented by her mother, her sister and business partner, and her husband. In the end, she will discover that forgiving betrayals small and large will be the only true path to healing herself-and to finding happiness.

 

Which would be awesome if I stopped there, right?  And yet there's MORE!  How about I throw in a copy of...

Blogess Jenny Lawson's Let's Pretend This Never Happened

Jenny Lawson realized that the most mortifying moments of our lives—the ones we’d like to pretend never happened—are in fact the ones that define us. In Let’s Pretend This Never Happened, Lawson takes readers on a hilarious journey recalling her bizarre upbringing in rural Texas, her devastatingly awkward high school years, and her relationship with her long-suffering husband, Victor. Chapters include: “Stanley the Magical, Talking Squirrel”; “A Series of Angry Post-It Notes to My Husband”; “My Vagina Is Fine. Thanks for Asking”; “And Then I Snuck a Dead Cuban Alligator on an Airplane.” Pictures with captions (no one would believe these things without proof) accompany the text.

 

And that would all be plenty, yes?  Very satisfying and should keep you reading well into swimsuit season, yes?

But since this is all coming from my house anyway, how about I throw in an autographed copy (on one of those fancy bookplates) of my first novel If You Were Here?

Told in the uproariously entertaining voice readers have come to expect from Jen Lancaster (again, this is from the publisher's description - I've not taken to talking about myself in the third person) (yet), If You Were Here follows Amish-zombie-teen- romance author Mia and her husband Mac (and their pets) through the alternately frustrating, exciting, terrifying-but always funny-process of buying and renovating their first home in the Chicago suburbs that John Hughes's movies made famous. Along their harrowing renovation journey, Mia and Mac get caught up in various wars with the homeowners' association, meet some less-than-friendly neighbors, and are joined by a hilarious cast of supporting characters, including a celebutard ex- landlady. As they struggle to adapt to their new surroundings- with Mac taking on the renovations himself- Mia and Mac will discover if their marriage is strong enough to survive months of DIY renovations.

 

And, what the hell, may as well include my only (thus far) early copy of Jeneration X, too, which won't be available to the general public until May 1.  (Yes, I'll be sure to sign it, too, no worries!)

There's no clever summation up from my publisher about this book for me to cut and paste and I'm far too lazy to write one after having written the entire damn book, so let's just say this is my manifesto against hipsters, boomers, helicopter parents, assholes at Whole Foods, and anyone else who gets in my way.  (So trust me when I tell you that the bitch from Bitter is back.)

 

Seriously, best giveaway ever, right?

To win, all you have to do is leave a comment about your favorite part of spring.  No need to write an essay - just a couple of words to verify that you're not a robot or something.  I'll select the winner of this awesome stack o' beach reads via random number generator. 

In terms of fine print, one entry per person/IP address and valid only in the United States.  (Sorry, Canada!  Not my fault!)  I'll be accepting entries until 6:00 PM CST on Wednesday, April 11th.

If you don't win or care to purchase any of these fine books, they're available at fine retailers everywhere within the next week.  You can also check out the author's websites for purchasing options and more details about their writing.

Sarah Pekkanen

Allison Winn Scotch

Jenny Lawson

Thanks for playing, Happy Spring, and... may the odds be ever in your favor!

 

Chick Lit Is Alive and Well and Living in Lake County

Hey, all!

I'm cross-posting this from Facebook, just in case anyone comes here who doesn't go there. 

Anyway, I'm super honored to be the author the lovely ladies of Chick Lit Is Not Dead chose to help them roll out their newest feature, 5 Things I'd Tell Teen Me!

(Added bonus, if you read the interview, you'll see what the new novel is about!)

(Sorry, Mac and Mia fans - there's new sheriff in town named Lissy Ryder and she demanded her story be told next.  She's very pushy like that.)

You can read the interview here AND register to win one of five free books!

Happy anniversary to Chick Lit Is Not Dead and happy reading!

 

The Bungalow Giveaway! (The Book, Not An Actual Beach House) UPDATED WITH WINNERS!

* * *

VOTING NOW CLOSED!  WINNERS ARE:

Mac - who won't leave home without her (his?) iPad and passport

Sarah - who insists on taking a book from the library

Laurel - who's a little superstitious and brings her St. Christopher medal

I'll be emailing each of you to get addresses (which is how you'll officially know if you're the Mac, Sarah, and Laurel who won.)

Thanks for playing!!

* * *

Last month I had to travel to New York for business. This is where it would be fun to say, "By business, I mean monkey business!" because New York's that kind of town.  But pretty much I just went to meetings all day, every day, except when I met my friends Caprice and Blackbird for various fish-based meals before crawling into bed at 9:30 PM. 

Anyway, I'm someone who can normally amuse myself in public situations without a lot of outside electronic stimulus (read: quietly judge everyone in the vicinity) but when I fly, I'm loaded for bear.  And by loaded for bear, I mean I board carrying an iPad (for games and in-flight surfing and movies), a Kindle, an iPod Touch (which is also loaded with movies in case the iPad goes down, as well as music), an iPhone (because it's a phone but because it also houses my music library), etc.

But as my dear friend Alec Baldwin* recently learned, flight attendants aren't kidding when they say you have to stow all that shit upon takeoff and landing, so in addition to the Best Buy I normally lug, I always have an old school book with me.

I attended a bookseller's convention last fall and as one of the perks, attendees were encouraged to circle the floor, stuffing as many free books in their gratis tote bags as possible.  Wait, that was my interpretation.  In actuality, this organization posted a sign asking guests to "not be greedy."  As that was clearly impossible for me (I packed an extra suitcase just for my book booty) I figured I'd equivocate my free-book-lust by promising to read everything I nabbed.

ANYWAY, I haven't bought any physical books lately because I'm still working my way through the pile.  At the top of the stack was a novel called The Bungalow by Sarah Jio and before I left for New York, I stuffed it in my bag because it was pretty.  See?

(Don't judge me for judging a book by its cover.)

When it came time to stow electronics, I stuffed them all in the seat pocket and opened my book for the ten minutes until I was allowed to dive back into the iPad Mystery Manor game.  An hour and a half later, I was still riveted and my seatmate had to poke me to prompt me to finally shut the book and disembark.

What I'm saying is I love The Bungalow so freaking much and every minute that I wasn't in a meeting, in a taxi, or in a restaurant with a plate of fish in front of me, I was inhaling this book and I finished it in twenty-four hours.  Here's the official book's description so I don't screw it up:

In the summer of 1942, twenty-one-year-old Anne Calloway, newly engaged, sets off to serve in the Army Nurse Corps on the Pacific island of Bora-Bora. More exhilarated by the adventure of a lifetime than she ever was by her predictable fiancé, she is drawn to a mysterious soldier named Westry, and their friendship soon blossoms into hues as deep as the hibiscus flowers native to the island. Under the thatched roof of an abandoned beach bungalow, the two share a private world-until they witness a gruesome crime, Westry is suddenly redeployed, and the idyll vanishes into the winds of war.

A timeless story of enduring passion, The Bungalow chronicles Anne's determination to discover the truth about the twin losses-of life, and of love-that have haunted her for seventy years.

Let me add that everything about this book is gorgeous and tropical and historical and it absolutely transported me to another time and place.

(HERE IS THE PART WHERE YOU CAN WIN STUFF)

Because author Sarah Jio is just as cool as her books, she's giving away signed copies to three lucky winners!  To be eligible to win, all you have to do is tell me the one thing you can't get on a plane without, like your passport or your lucky yellow paperclip or your pillow.  (I will attempt not to judge you if you bring your pillow on the plane, but not without difficulty.  Where are you flying that they don't have pillows??)

So, in the comments section, write your must-have.  That's it!  One entry per person/IP address and the winners will be chosen by a random number generator.  The contest is open until 12:00 PM, Saturday, February 4th, and the winners will be posted shortly after that.  Void where prohibited, and anything else I missed.

If you don't win and would like to read The Bungalow anyway, you can purchase it here, here, here, here, here, as well as big box stores and where ever else fine books are sold.

Good luck and happy reading!

*The Alec Baldwin joke is only funny if you've read My Fair Lazy.

Disclaimer:  I'm in no way being compensated for this post, except perhaps by the karma of having shared my excitement over a really great read with others.

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I Don't Like Your Beard

I'm on book deadline. 

Again.

That's why I haven't been around here much.  Sorry about that.  I have a very short period in which to get this one done so by the time I hit my goal every day, the last thing in the world I want to do is sit at my computer any more. 

(Fortunately I bought a fancy chair a few books back.  The first three memoirs were written on this stupid wooden IKEA desk chair that didn't bend, flex, swivel, or give in any way.  Hate that chair.  Hate that chair SO MUCH.  Yet when I finally got an Aeron, Fletch wouldn't let me throw Ol' Woody away, claiming that someday it would go in the Jen Lancaster Museum, next to my Barbie head and good burying shovel.)

(I am currently unaware of any pending museum plans.)

(I think he may have been drinking when he mentioned it.)

Anyway, in my last post, a couple of things were going on - I was deeply engrossed in a stupid hidden object game and I didn't have a new literary agent.  Now I have a fine new literary agent and I'm still deeply engrossed in a stupid hidden object game only now I'm on Level 32.  (Am very impressed with my own ability to find hidden lotus flowers and yachts.)

What else?

Fletch has grown a beard so I've been quite busy actively hating it for a couple of weeks now.

Dogs are fine.  Libby ran off with a chicken breast while Fletch was cleaning out the fridge yesterday and I'm pretty sure that was the greatest day of her entire life.

Speaking of meat, I've become a pescetarian.  Kind of a long story and there's no payoff to it, save for the fact that my hair seems shinier and I sweat less. 

Also?  There are those who believe deeply detailed blog posts about the new way they've been eating are interesting. 

They are wrong. 

I've discovered Downton Abbey and I cannot shut my piehole about it.  If you're not watching it, you're missing out on one of the best shows ever produced.  Everyone says the show is costume porn, but they are mistaken.  Actually, it's antiques porn.  Please know I would kill every one of you to possess the flower show trophy.  (No offense.)

Cats are fine.

Relatively speaking.

When last I updated about the New Girls, no one was getting along and I hadn't been able to mainstream the Girls into the rest of the household.

The level of animosity between both groups has since escalated from that of the Bloods and Crips to those of the Israelis and the Palestinians.  And our house is the Gaza strip.  Not sure which side is going nuclear yet, but it's going to happen.  Bank on that. 

So I'm kind of like the UN here (except, you know, effective) and I've made sure that the cats are happily living separate lives in different sections of the house.  The only thing is sometimes the Thundercats get all SEAL TEAM SIX and rush the doors to where the New Girls live, so I've taken to hissing every time I put my hand on a doorknob.  This precaution is actually working quite nicely, except now it's kind of a bad habit and I've since frightened the FedEx guy.

I think that's it, unless you want to know more, oh so much more, about the pre-made honey-teriyaki sea bass I particularly enjoy.

(My guess is no.)

Please tune in later this week because I'll be making some fun announcements about a couple of book events you won't (I hope) want to miss as well as doing at least one book giveaway!

And I may post a photo of Fletch's new beard.

If I don't shave it off in the night first.